In order to float on water you need to trust. I never really learned to do this. In fact, I seem to have always had trust issues. The person I trusted the least was myself. It's probably why I became a Priestess of Ma'at, the goddess of harmony, balance and justice. It's what I'm working on in this life.
Last week I had an MRI done. I had my breasts imaged because they saw an abnormality in the right one. I laid face down on an elevated contraption with two holes, one for each breast and had to remain completely still for 25 minutes while in a a tight tube that made loud noises. It was uncomfortable to say the least. You just want it to be over. I wanted all the crazy 0 stage cancer? over with.
To get through that test I distracted myself, but then I started tell myself I trust Spirit. I trust this One Life to take care of me no matter what. Soon something shifted and I relaxed...as much as I could under the circumstances. After months of tests and stress, I began to just trust all of it. It's okay. I'm okay. This life that always seemed so scary, at least in that moment, didn't feel that way anymore.
Now, I still have some moments of distrust, and that's okay. What I learned from Ma'at years ago is that balance isn't static. We're never going to be perfectly perfect. That's the nature of being human and living life on Earth. But something is different. This morning, during meditation I focused on feeling in harmony with life. I did this after a prayer of surrender in which I said I trust Spirit. Right after that I listened to a Dharma talk by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche in which he said, "If there is no trust, there is no harmony". That summed it all up. My work towards trusting the Universe and walking in harmony was right there in that simple sentence.
I think these words speak to what's going on in the world right now, too. The disharmony we seem to be experiencing is because we don't trust ourselves, one another, the government, the police...on and on. If we want harmony, we need to learn to trust again. We need to lean on Spirit, the waters of life and let It buoy us. We need to lean on one another and know we are all connected. We need to lean on our own hearts and souls and know that is the same as leaning on Spirit.
Life takes us down interesting paths and we choose to walk alone or with support systems. And even when the road feels deserted and it's only our voice that echoes off the hills in the distance, we are not alone. The echo is wisdom when it comes back to us and we are Spirit in disguise.
Learning to Live